Sunday, March 20, 2011

Satisfying my Love Language

I began to read the book, The Five Love Languages for the second time in 8 years. The difference this time is grasping the concepts of understanding and the importance of focusing on how attentive I was to my own love languages and the languages of others.

As I began to identify my primary love languages, I ask myself why; why were these languages so important to me? As I reflected back on my early childhood to where I am today, I wanted to understand the reasoning as to why I needed my love languages satisfied.


I have listed the five love languages in the order of importance in my life. Physical Touch - Quality Time - Words of Affirmation - Gifts and Acts of Service.

As a child I learned to suppress my feelings of disappointment and sadness as a way to cope with certain areas of my life. There were times when I was fearful of rejection and held on to feelings of insecurity for many years.

We lived a modest life, my mom made most of our clothes while my father worked hard to support 4 children. I remember him leaving early in the morning for work and not returning until late in the afternoon and how much I looked forward to Saturday mornings with him. I remember my mother, working hard to make our house a home. To this day, I do not know how she did it. I remember her baking bread and how the smell filed the house or the smell of clean bed sheets after they had been removed from the clothes line. My mother taught me to cook when I was eight; I also began babysitting for families from our church as well as my younger sisters. I quickly learned that folding laundry, changing dirty diapers and house cleaning were now part of my responsibility. I did not realize at the time that my chore duties helped my mother so she could care for my three younger sisters.

I learned not to expect the material things that cost money. We had a playhouse my father built, we skated, rode bikes and had an imagination that made the world come alive with adventure while my friends drove golf-carts and rode the social network like a tidal wave.

I suppressed my desires for material things and accepted life for the way it was. I continued that mentality through adulthood and denied myself the right to pursue after material possessions that might bring satisfaction or joy to my life because I did not feel entitled.

My grandmother, "Memaw" taught me how to focus on the simple things in life, like the smell of flowers in the air as they bloomed; observing the sky at dusk and how the sun sets in the west. To be attentive to how the moon looks at night. She also introduced me God when I was five and taught me to always trust Him, that He would always be there for me.

As I pull these memories together, I began to understand more about myself and realized this is where the craving for satisfying my love languages comes from. Understanding my love languages now allows me the opportunity to observe the languages of those closest to me and focus on communicating how my own languages need to be filled.

Love languages are not just for lovers, they apply to everyone; your children, parents, friends, spouse & co-workers, all have a language that requires direct attention and a need to be satisfied.

I have found that some of these simple task, fill my love bank to overflowing which then brings happiness, security and tremendous joy to my life: Being with my grandbabies, holding hands, a note or card, attentiveness to my conversation even if it means nothing to the other person, my children telling me they love me, public displays of affection, being told I am beautiful, walks at sunset, watching the sunrise, surprises, family time, being touched, foot rubs...my needs are still simple but the value is priceless....

Take the time to evaluate your life, your past, present and future. Do not be afraid to step out and begin this discovery of your own love language. I am learning the secrets to opening my world and sharing my desires with those closest to me.
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